if i can run in heels then i can drive
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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