What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
