My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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