Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.