Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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