How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.