We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
