Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This can only be settled by a dance off.