Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer

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  (248): In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer http://tfl.nu/p97m
  Replies (2) Good night (489) Bad night (993)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.

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  (816): I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart. http://tfl.nu/md27
  Replies (5) Good night (601) Bad night (1079)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.

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  (785): First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success. http://tfl.nu/aon2
  Replies (13) Good night (5824) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows

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  (925): I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows http://tfl.nu/02lq
  Replies (9) Good night (3850) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.

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  (917): And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating. http://tfl.nu/qged
  Replies (19) Good night (5581) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.

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  (580): He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics. http://tfl.nu/564h
  Replies (7) Good night (2517) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.

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  (816): I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there? (1-816): Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket. http://tfl.nu/46j7
  Replies (9) Good night (3170) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me

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  (334): I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me http://tfl.nu/oobt
  Replies (5) Good night (2015) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint

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  (404): She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint http://tfl.nu/mdfm
  Replies (7) Good night (2930) Bad night (997)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal

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  (410): So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal http://tfl.nu/8nnp
  Replies (5) Good night (754) Bad night (1806) Order T-Shirt
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.

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  (928): I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on. http://tfl.nu/43cf
  Replies (4) Good night (1270) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  What a dumb baby whore.

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  (661): What a dumb baby whore. http://tfl.nu/17ck
  Replies (4) Good night (1164) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed

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  (570): I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed http://tfl.nu/7vip
  Replies (3) Good night (422) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...

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  (615): He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing... http://tfl.nu/wirp
  Replies (13) Good night (374) Bad night (1858) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.

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  (901): My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume. http://tfl.nu/vvcp
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt

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