and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I still have a little drunk in my system
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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