My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
