he thought i was a dude.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
