Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
false alarm. still invincible.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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