I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
