I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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