it's too hot outside to masturbate.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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