Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's like heaven, but drunker
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
