just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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