I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
