suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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