The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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