And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
