I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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