yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
