Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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