I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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