TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
