It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
high people should be assigned attendants
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
