WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
