Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
