just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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