dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
