they need to just BURY HIM!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
