Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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