did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
