I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
