you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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