I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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