Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
