she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
