This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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