And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Mom said you looked used
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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