ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
