I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
