another moral hangover. fuck.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
