i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We have started to decorate penises.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
