Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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