Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
