he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
