Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
