Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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