How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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