OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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