She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're a waste of cheezeits
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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