Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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