Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
