i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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