Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
