He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
