I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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