My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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