Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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