Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
