Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
