yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
