Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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