I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
