So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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