I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he shaved USA in his pubs
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
