He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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