She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
