And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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