i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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