I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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