Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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