Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
FUCK WHALES
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
