I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
