when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize