M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like death gave me a hand job
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
